exactly

"the worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity."

-george bernard shaw

he also said: "we dont stop playing because we grow old. we grow old because we stop playing."

exactly, g.b. exactly.

well, yes

we've combined our 3rd and 4th graders during reading to get ready for TCAP. its been amusing.

the other day, donna said, "yeah, well not much makes sense in this little world of ours."

and a 3rd grader raised her hand and said, "you know what does make sense? escalators go up and down."

i had to turn around and walk away. because she was serious. she had really thought about it. and it was something that actually made sense to her.

and i couldnt let her see me laughing.

but it was funny.

and then she stood in front of the class and spelled her name in sign language.....

and then she did a "ballet" dance....

and i had to turn around and walk away again.




but i do wish i had that kind of confidence in myself.

is that getting or giving?

[[:: today, in math class, we were working on a problem about adding vs. subtracting. this is the conversation:

me: if sally has 22 pencils and she gives 2 to a friend, how many does she have left?

them: [crickets]

me: ok. if you give pencils to friends, is that getting or giving away?

them: giving away

me: exactly! now is that adding or subtracting?

them: subtraction

me: awesome, guys! [and then we write the number sentence and solve.]
ok. now if sally's mom gives her 10 more pencils, how many will she have?

them: [crickets again. i'm used to it.]

me: ok, if her mom gives her more pencils, is that getting more or giving away?

at this point, 2 of the students say "getting more. that's adding." one stares at me like i'm an alien from space. and 1 screams "giving away!" at this point, i focus on the screamer, partly because she's screaming and partly because the others have either figured out what to write or are still staring at me. again, i'm used to it.

me: ok. lets think about this. if your mama gives you 10 pencils, are you getting or giving away?

her: giving away

me: well, who are you giving them away to?

her: amber, sarah, tori....

me: no, sweetie, if you and your mama are the only ones there. you know, like you guys are the only ones in the house. and your mama gives you 10 pencils. are you getting more [i emphasized this when i said it] or giving away?

her: giving away [like, duh, miss emily, i have already told you this.]

me: [giving her my oh, my good gracious, what the heck am i going to do with you face]

her: getting?

me: excellent. ::]]

this is such a typical day for me. if we arent having trouble finding 25 on number charts, we're dealing with this kind of confusion.

but today, it struck me that maybe she does have the right idea in some way.

when she gets, she gives. and isnt that exactly what we should all be doing? we have been given such an abundance- both physically and spiritually. my heart overflows with the grace, goodness, and love of my precious Jesus. how dare i not pour that out on others?

so tomorrow [and all the days after that] i hope i live a little more like that 2nd grader. she couldnt imagine not sharing all those pencils her mother gave her.

and even though she was completely wrong for the math problem, i think she's pretty right for life.

some theory

the goal of intellectual education is not to know how to repeat or retain ready-made truths [a truth that is parroted is only a half-truth]. it is in learning to master the environment by oneself at the risk of losing a lot of time and going through all the roundabout ways that are inherent in real activity.

- piaget, 1973

a letter to my students

my dear children,

sometimes i forget to love you like i should. i'm sorry for that. i'm sorry that i fuss and i'm sorry that i get frustrated and i'm sorry that sometimes i momentarily forget just how beautiful and special and amazing you really are.

i know that sometimes the things we all ask of you are hard. i know you have to struggle sometimes. i know this isnt easy. and i know i'm asking a lot of you- because i am asking you to learn, to try, to grow. and i know just how painful and ridiculous and gut-wrenching every one of those things can be. [because i am learning and trying and growing too.]

i also know that you can do it. i believe in you. there will be teachers who will give up on you. i wont. there will be teachers who might believe that they cannot teach you. i wont. there may even be teachers who throw their hands in the air and stop trying. i wont.

i can promise you that there will be days when i am defeated, days when i think that i'm getting no where, days when i think i have failed you. and there may even be days when i want very much to quit. but i wont. because i can also promise you that i know that few things in my life make as much sense as going to that school every day and teaching you.

i promise to be real with you. i promise to fight for you. i promise to do everything i can for you. sure, sometimes i wont be enough. sometimes we will all fail. sometimes its going to hurt. but i'll be there with you: learning, trying, growing. and we'll get through this together.

thank you for the chance to be your teacher. i only ask for the grace to become.

love,
miss emily

its not what you think

"no, it wont all go the way it should, but i know the heart of life is good."

****

my mother asked me recently if i'm happy in jackson. what a complicated question. here are my thoughts:

1. i adore jackson. i dont know why. there arent many things holding me here. i have plenty of reasons to go. and sometimes very few reasons to stay. but i like it here. i really do. i love that i work in a small school that still places high value on things like honesty and responsibility and respect. i like that i see people i know when i go places. i love that i dont have to go very far to get anywhere i want to go. i like that i dont have to go very far to be in the middle of a field or park. its a wonderful location, in relation to other things.

2. i lovelovelove nashville. but not really so much because of the town. its really all about the people there. most of my family is there. and my sweet youth group people. and some of my very best friends. and the open arms of my mother and father. how awesomely wonderful to be in that place, wrapped in the love of those who deeply care for me. i am wanted, needed, accepted, adored, sheltered, and encouraged there. and sometimes i am 15 again.

3. part of my heart is always going to be wandering around. i'm restless, always hoping for some adventure. i want to work in another country. i want to serve my Jesus wherever He calls me, even if that takes me far from here.

so i guess the point is, i'm happy here. but i go there and it fits too. and i think i could learn to be happy just about any place i ended up. but i guess its comforting just to know that whether i am here or there or any other place, none of those is my real home. my home is in Heaven.

****

the opposite of love isnt hate but rather indifference.

so if i'm really going to love people the way i'm supposed to love people- the way Jesus demands that i love people- then i have to get in there, stick my neck out, care deeply about them, and yes, ultimately, get hurt sometimes. but really, is there any other way to live and really be alive?

****

truth is a funny thing. have you ever realized that? sometimes it creeps up on you, trickling in so slowly you dont even realize its coming until youre almost drowning in it. and then sometimes it lands- crash- smack in front of you so fast youre swerving to miss it. and thats when you know its just like that "going on a bear hunt" game i've played with countless small children- cant go over it, cant go around it, gotta go through it. but the thing is, no matter how it happens, when the truth gets in, it leaves a mark. you cant change it and you cant escape it because it becomes a part of you.

and this is one of my greatest weaknesses: i spend far too much time trying to buck truth. because a part of me- that same part that still belives in santa claus and still loves catching lightening bugs in mason jars and still wants nothing more than to climb up in my daddy's lap and be told i can do anything- well, part of me really thinks i can change the truth and i am nothing if i am not a stubborn baby bull.

****

i want you to know that i care deeply. i am anything but indifferent about you and your life and the things going on.

sometimes that fact doesnt change anything. and sometimes it changes everything.

****

sometimes i cant believe the difference a year can make. i'm not in the same place i was a year ago. i mean, physically, yes, i am living in the same apartment with relatively the same furniture and stuff. but i'm not the girl i was when i moved down here. i dont even have the same hair color. but i guess that's life: this fluid, ever-changing force that pushes us on to other things. we cant stay exactly where we are and grow. we cant stay exactly who we are and expect that we are finished. i'm not there yet, you know. i'm not complete. i'm still becoming. and i like that. i like that this isnt it for me. i like that i have dreams that reach out beyond here, that call me higher and farther and more into the likeness of my Savior.

****

teaching is a beautiful, hard, stressful, satisfying, and sometimes gloriously painful calling. and i love it.

****

"you know there will be days when youre so tired that you cant take another step. night will have no stars and you'll think youve gone as far as you will ever get. but you and me walk on. cause you cant go back now. go where you want to go. be what you want to be. and if you ever turn around, you'll see me."

at the end of the day.

i have enough reasons to go. i'm looking for a reason to stay.

[and then i hear this:
consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. you know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. so dont try to get out of anything prematurely. let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.- james 1:2-4, the message]